Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Motorcyles Crashing the Bike Path or (Take it Easy Rider)

     One of the great perks of living in the Quad Cities is the Great River Bike Trail.  This is a sixty two mile run along the river between Rock Island, IL to Savanna, IL.  A breathtaking scenic route with stops along the way where one can use the restroom or get a drink of water.  I have traveled this trail before.  I won't lie and say I went the full sixty two miles, but I did visit both sides of the river.

Why are you talking about a bike trail?
   I'll tell you why.  Crossing the Arsenal bridge today I saw something odd.  Motorcycles.  Yes! Frickin' motorcycles on the bike trail.  At first I thought it was an illusion.  Maybe I miss saw.  I looked again.  Sure enough, there were four motorcycles being driven by human sized dicks.  Here is my problem.  Part of the attraction of riding along the river is the peaceful serenity one feels as they gaze over the calm water.  The sounds of birds and ducks, maybe the occasional crash of water on the shore line. As a cyclist, the sudden roar of a motor cycle followed by the sight of a big black metal thing flying towards me at forty miles per hour would be such a shock.  I would be violently snapped back to reality with such a force as to lock my muscles and causing me to lose control and careen off into the river.  These motorcyclists wouldn't even notice while cruising by with their heads shoved up their own dick holes.  
   Would they care?  No.  Their only concern is what kind of chips they can jam into their mouth holes for lunch while enjoying this peaceful scenery which includes baby ducks chocking on exhaust fumes.
   There are those who would think I am overreacting to this.
"You're overreacting to this."  a text message reads to me.
   First of all, how the hell are you texting me before I've even finished the blog?  Second of all, if these motorists, (That's what they are.  Motorcycles are street vehicles.)  Payed attention to anything else besides their own sense of dickery, they would see the signs posted about every half mile or so that reads.  "Motor vehicles such as motorcycles or cars are prohibited from the bike trail."  My only conclusion is they are either blind which means they shouldn't be operating any machinery at all or they can't read.  The third option is, they don't care.  Seeing this has angered me to the point of blogging about it.  Therefore I present to you some things you can do to help in the event that you my loyal readers see a motorcycle on the bike trail.  (Entertainment purposes only)

Ways to mess with Motorcyclists on the bike trail.

Riot Ready Super Soaker, Oh Yeah!

    Super Soakers.  Yes, those high powered water cannons.  Or water balloons which I guess could be classified as a type of grenade in the water based artillery. You can soak the ever living spit out of them.  Especially if they are wearing leather pants.  If they get pissed off you can simply say, "Oh, I'm sorry were you not expecting to get wet driving your motorcycle near the river?  I suggest this website which teaches you about a nice super soaker hack

    Grab a friend and dress up as nuns. Ride on opposite sides of the trail and wait for the motorcycle to pass between the two of you.  When they do, start a yogurt fight.  (Make sure you time it just right.  You want it to appear as if the fight was taking place before they passed you.)

    It should look just like this
    Go the RoadRunner Route and erect a brick wall with a realistic painting of a tunnel.  Of course, just like the cartoons, the bicyclists will be able to travel through this tunnel but the motorcyclists will smash right into it.

       I'm not saying that these people are bad or evil.  I'm not even saying that motorcycles are bad.  In fact, motorcycles are awesome.  Just not on a trail reserved for bicycles.  It would be like a tank.  Again, tanks are awesome.  Tanks running over small cars, ok still awesome.  The point is, there is a time and place for everything.  Are these people really bad for doing this, well yes and no.  I would rather give them the benefit of the doubt and just blame it on ignorance.   I don't think they were intentionally driving on the trail with the sole purpose of ruining the experience for everyone else.
       Does anyone else have any thoughts on this?  Would you feel uncomfortable riding a bicycle along side a thousand pound hunk of metal and glass and other bits of sharp pointy bits?
    Email me or leave a comment below.

    2 motorcyclists injured in bike trail crash

    Perhaps Karma has a way of dealing with these things


    1. LOVE the cartoon tunnel!!!

    2. I am working on more creative ways. hmm I will get back to you.


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