Friday, March 2, 2012

12/21/2012 = End of World?

This question was sent to me via text by a very charming reader.  "Will the world in fact end on December 21st, 2012?"  The short answer is "No, it will not."  Wow, that was easy.  Next subje...oh you're still reading.  I suppose you want me to go into more detail as to why the world is "not" going to end on that particular date. The movie sucked.  That proves it.  Back to cat vid...What?  That doesn't count as an argument?  Fine.  Let's look at the reasons we think the world may end on December 21, 2012. 
        Reason number one:  The Mayans predicted it by not making a calander with an infinite number of days on it.  The ancient Mayans were a complex and sophisticated culture known for art, mathematics, and cutting the heads off of enemies they defeated in MesoAmerican ballgames.  The Maya...What?  They murdered the losing team of a ball game? We are taking advice on the end of the world from these people?  Do you still want me to continue?  Fine.  A quick google search has also turned up several reasons the Mayan calander may be wrong.  Including the fact that other dates beyond 2012 have been recorded.  The end date may be off by about 50 to 100 years. 

        Reason numero dos:  The planets will be aligned just right.  First off, I thought the age of Aquarius was when the planets have aligned and the moon was in the seventh house.  That is according to the musical "Hair" which would be just as credible here.  Of course it's true.  Some of the planets will align on 12.21.2012.  (Oh noes, is we gonna died?  No.)  It happens every year about that time.  It's not a perfect alignment but when things travel in circles and orbits, things are bound to line up every once in a while.  (Just like sometimes my turn signal will blink in sync with the car in front of me.  I like to honk my horn when this happens and shout "We're Blinker Buddies!!!"  I'm kidding, that only happened once and the officer was super cool about it too.) 

          Raison de numberton Threedon: We will be eaten by an Invisible Planet: Planet X or Nibiru is a large planet sized rock that will collide with the earth.  We have been able to see asteroids, comets, tiny moons, and planets around distant stars.  But all of this sophisticated technology is useless at detecting an Earth sized rock hurteling toward us fast enough to hit us by  the end of this year.  The theory of Planet X was started in 1995 by Nancy Lieder
who was contacted by Aliens called Zetas who gave her a brain implant that allowed her to communicate with them.  (The implant of course only worked near a wifi hotspot which didn't exist in 1995.)  Replace the word "Aliens" with the word "Some Guys she met" and "Brain Implant" with "Shrooms" and I think we have just eliminated this reason from our list.  Also it was originally supposed to hit in May of 2003.

           R3450N F1V3:  Global Warming and disapearing Bees.  Yes, I agree there is evidence of Global climate change and the bees may be disappearing.  That doesn't mean the end of the world.   It just means a warmer beeless world.  Remember when the world used to be covered in lava, or when it was covered in ice or boy bands?  The world survived.  We may not, but hey it's been a fun ride.  Even if it did mean the end of the world it doesn't mean it's going to end on that exact date.  It could be tomorrow or in a million years.

           Reason Six: Snookie is pregnant.  I can see how this  has alarmed many of you.  Yes her baby will be (hatched) born around the predicted date of the apocalypse but that doesn't mean "Death by Smoosh Smoosh." 

           Final Thoughts: Yes the world is changing, but change doesn't mean the end.  It means "Change" otherwise we wouldn't need the other word.  Sure it may be a warmer world, there may be fewer bees but we have survived.  One of our best traits is the ability to adapt and change.  I think we are doing a good job so far.  When was the last time you got scurvy?  Have you had any problems with witch hunters trying to burn you because read Twilight?  No?  Where do you live?  No reason, just curious.  All in all we're doing "Ok." That's a very "human" thing to strive for.

If you are still worried about the impending doom here is a link to Nasa's site with reasons the world is not going to end.


Image from Apocalypto-


  1. Alright, Im almost convinced that the world will survive beyond 2012 but what then? What happens after 2012?

    Great blog. Very entertaining but dont give up your day job, oh yea - you dont have a day job.

    1. After 2012? 2013. And I'm sure we'll come up with a new end of the world scenario.

  2. I suppose after 2012, they will make a sequel to that movie. 2015!!!! le gasp!

    1. The Sequel" 2015: The search for more money.


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