Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Melpew? Just Lookin'

"Some kids are getting into your car."  Bob said.
"What?  You're kidding."  I looked at Bob trying to detect a smile or eye twitch.
"Why would I kid about that?"  He said.  The seriousness was evident.
Immediately I shot up out of my chair and ran down two flights of stairs and sprinted out to my car.  Of course there was no one to be seen.  I quickly thrust the drivers side door open and did a quick visual inspection. 
    -Radio, Check
    -Steering Wheel, Check
    -Cell Phone Charger, Check
    -Empty Subway cups, Check
    -Giant stuffed plush Banana, Check
        It was Mise en Place. (French for Everything in it's place).  After the quick check.  I sprinted down the hill towards the school looking for any suspicious looking kids.  It didn't even occur to me that I had no idea what they looked like.  I had no idea if they were even armed.  I had no idea which direction they actually headed.  I ran back inside.
    "Bob," I said.  "Did you happen to see if the guys looked big and scary?"
     "Well," Bob scratched his head.  "Looked like a couple of college kids.  They just got in your car, then got out and headed up the hill." 
     "UP!!!"  I screamed and then leaped out of the window back onto the street and headed up the hill toward the park.  I didn't even think to ask if they were armed.  I just wanted to scare them.  Let them know that someone knew they were scum.  Someone was after them, someone was going to, well...I wasn't sure. It wasn't going to be pretty that's for sure.  My heart raced.   I strained my eyes against the deep darkness.   One thought bouncing around inside of my head.  "I just want to look them in the eye.  I want to let them know that I am not afraid.  I want to-"
"Shit."  I thought.  "What am I doing?  They didn't take anything.  For all I know they could be armed.  Do I really want to chase them down so they can mug me at gun point?" 
Defeated,  I turned around.  I slowly walked back home.     From the trees a pair of glowing read eyes studied my form. 
    "Not now Evil squirrel."  I shouted.
   The red eyes dimmed and made a disappointed sigh. 
    I was still full of adrenaline.  I thought about calling the police but what would I tell them.  "Some guys got in my car.  I didn't see them, and they didn't take anything."  What a waste of time.   I did warn any of the neighbors I happened to see to keep a look out for anyone suspicious walking around. 
   "Besides me." I added.  I went back inside picking some of the broken glass out of my backside.  "I really should pay for that broken window." 
"Nah, " I thought. "Bob's cool."  
I went to bed that night. Vengeance unfulfilled but somehow felt ok with it.  No one got hurt, nothing was missing.  I was given a free lesson in precaution.   Meanwhile, a dark evil force waited patiently in the trees.   His eyes full of rage, his black hea-
"Not now, Evil Squirrel!"  I shouted then pulled the covers over my head.  I drifted off to sleep.  I had more important things to worry about.  Like, uh getting dressed in the morning. 

Have you ever experienced something like this?  A close encounter with a thief?  (Lawyers don't count)  Please comment.  Want to know what Melpew means?  Check out this link.  http://www.urbandictionary.com/products.php?term=Melpew&defid=1904044

    P.S. If the guys who broke into my car and possibly stole my laptop. I just have one thing to say to you. "Holy Shit. You can read?" Just kidding. What I meant was "You are frickin' douche-bags and no one will ever truly love you. And your girlfriends are probably unfulfilled."

1 comment:

  1. Love the picture :) and I like the fact that you posted the definition of Melpew from urban dictionary :)


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